Here I am!

Its like the tears have forgotten their pathways and returned to their source. There is an unsettled feeling and a trembling force. The noise in my head is getting louder by the minute , like the senses are going numb and everything is a blur. There is a word to describe this feeling , is there? Is it an emotion that has not been given a name? Is it remorse or pain that cannot be explained? 

In choice of words I search for a meaning , an expression that has forsaken language. I ll piece it together like beaded pearls that adorns the mannequin of lie.

Is there a purpose to life beyond the body. Life goes on through mothers and fathers and grand mothers and babies that die. What is life beyond birth? What is life before you die? Tell me more , that there is more and it is not all a big fat lie.Not in sickness or in health or thick and thin will any of us find the reason. A reason that you will not find in debt or rotting richness even. I would really be pissed if humanity was just an experiment that some vicious force has designed . I would want to write a writ petition  for 'LIFE' violates 'HUMAN RIGHTS' .

I see the withering leaves on my skin and the hues of age are alight. The impervious child in me is long dead and the adult is about to die. What is the purpose of all this joy and all the rotten pain. The ringing laughter that fades away and when the crying has gone dry. An unsettled stillness haunts my moves and shadows the living day. Here I am! ... But where is 'here'? What is 'I' and what is it 'to be'? 

:(

Today a void was created in my life and the lives of many. My past is filled with memories and a part of my future will be filled with a vacuum that no 'BODY' can fill.

The unpredictability of life , nature , universe and our incapability to deal with it .

Here I am sitting in front of a lifeless computer instead of grieving. The intensity has not hit me because of the distance ,Neptune  is a cold planet you see- the heat of the sun does not  strike its surface. Poor mercury is crying her heart out now, her tears evaporate and  freeze but there is no end to this tsunami of emotions. I sit here on the other side of the planet listening to lectures of philosophy and the purpose of life on earth. The information comes like a news flash on television 'Millions of people lost their homes and lives in an earthquake / Tsunami, War!' It appears to be a movie , it has not happened , it is not happening , it can never happen.

A sense of peace, an invisible silence dawns on you. You cannot perform, there is no one to respond or receive or nothing to react to . Impossible to visualize the image the gaze pierces eternity. A sense of balance is lost and the body shivers. 

I sit here! staring into the dead monitor like it is the sweetest person I have known in my life . The kindest face that held my childhood  secure. The strongest force of love as it withered away like a tree.. I failed to hold her in my arms and fight the universe from snatching her away from this world. The universe won! She belongs to the trees and the sky and the soil now ... Maybe I do as well... maybe not! I ll miss her .. I LOVE HER SOOOOOOOO MUCH and I simply cannot stop crying :(